Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Top 15 Favorite Songs 
             When I'm Depressed as Fuck

(or: Songs I Will Pretty Much Always Relate to on an Intimate Level)

01. A Better Son/Daughter by Rilo Kiley

Your mother's still calling you, insane and high, swearing it's different this time, 
and you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her & that god never blessed her
 insides. Then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things, and crawl back 
into bed to dream of a time when your heart was open wide and you loved things just because,
like the sick and the dying...

02. Going for the Gold by Bright Eyes

They will detail their pain 
In some standard refrain. 
They will recite their sadness 
Like it's some kind of contest. 
Well, if it is, I think I am winning it, 
All beaming with confidence as I make my final lap.

03. Between the Bars by Elliott Smith

Drink up with me now and forget all about
 the pressure of days; do what I say 
and I'll make you okay, and drive them away:
 the images stuck in your head

04. Little Person by Jon Brion

I'm just a little person,
One person in a sea,
Of many little people 
Who are not aware of me
05. Holocaust by Big Star
Your eyes are almost dead, can't get out of bed, 
and you can't sleep. You're sitting down to dress, and you're a mess , 
you look in the mirror--you look in your eyes, say you realize Everybody goes, leaving those 
who fall behind. Everybody goes, as far as they can; they don't just care 

06. Hope There's Someone by Antony & the Johnsons
How can I fall asleep at night
How will I rest my head?
Oh, I'm scared of the middle place
Between light and nowhere
I don't want to be the one
Left in there, left in there

07. Mad World by Gary Jules
And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had

08. John Wayne Gacy Jr. by Sufjan Stevens
He dressed up like a clown for them
With his face paint white and red
And on his best behavior
In a dark room on the bed he kissed them all--
he'd kill ten thousand people
with a sleight of his hand

09. Good Woman by Cat Power

I don't want be a bad woman
And I can't stand to see you be a bad man.
I will miss your heart so tender
And I will love this love forever.

10. Bankrupt on Selling by Modest Mouse
Well, i'll go to college and i'll learn some big words, and i'll talk real loud,
goddamn right, i'll be heard, you'll remember all the guys that said all those big words

 he must've learned in college and it took a long time / i came clean with myself /
i come clean out of love with my lover / i still love her /
loved her more when she used to be sober 

and i was kinder 

11. You by Amy Lee
 When we're together, I feel perfect
When I'm pulled away from you, I fall apart...
...So many nights I cried myself to sleep
Now that you love me, I love myself

12. The Crying of Lot G by Yo La Tengo
 Sometimes I wonder why we have so much trouble
cheering each other up sometimes,
when one or the other of us is down.
Instead it's like, when you're in a bad mood
I look at you and I say, maybe she's knows something
I don't know, maybe I should be upset...

13. Radio Cure by Wilco

Cheer up, honey, I hope you can
There is something wrong with me
My mind is filled with silvery stars

14. Same Mistakes by The Echo Friendly
 I never did grow up
Feels like I never will
My friends are all adults
I'm still a teenage girl

15. Videotape by Radiohead
 This is my way of saying goodbye
Because I can't do it face to face
So I'm talking to you before it's too late
No matter what happens now
I shouldn't be afraid
Because I know today has been the most perfect day 
I've ever seen. 


1 comment:

  1. Hi Carrie,

    I just finished reading your article about BPD on Thought Catalog. I think it was absolutely wonderful and I feel as though I could have written it myself. I would love if you could send me your e-mail address so that I can get in touch with you!